Not from my heart

I've been rarely post anything on FB, tumblr n blog, and bcuz of this or not-what reason, I become so afraid to vomit whatever I feel like saying freely on this medium of technology..

Or maybe it's just bcuz my own self-esteem has decreased?

I don't know..

I'm doing my bachelor now but out of what reason, I tend to feel so insecure, so afraid to speak, to participate in discussions in class and afraid enough to say out loud my ideas and thought...

Things changes time to time without realizing it, I met new people and lost people I knew, I get closer to people who I never say a word b4, I went thru so many obstacles and so as I have ran from many problems..

I know quite number of people but none of them should i trust..

Yes, exactly! that's what makes me to be what i am now..

I have faces many people, once closed with them, but none are trustable, none of them i can rely on..

And I know, its all bcuz of me, myself..

This is bcuz of my own attitude..

I'm loud. but, many things they don't know about me.. and many things i kept silent.. although i speak a lot..

Still, i've been seen as a big mouth, talking about other people behind them and all..

Should I tell u every inch of it? or should i remain silent?

Remain silent.

Exactly..

Cuz i should not trust U..

I should stop saying this, i know.

A story would do to share to u:

PART 1

One day, Miss X is doing her own thing, her own job and nvr mumble on it, nvr.

Her friend Miss Y who saw her doing all those stuff always mumble of why did she do this and that.

Miss Y and Miss A worked at TGV company while Miss X and Miss B worked at GSC company.

One day, Miss X been blamed for things that she nvr do and nvr thought of.

Miss A, B and all people didnt like her including her own boss.

PART 2

Miss A dont lke Miss B.

Miss A tell all about Miss B to Miss X.

But Miss X nvr told anyone about it.

Miss A also tell Miss Y about Miss B.

Miss B spread the news evrywhere where living things alive.

Out of the sudden, all blames Miss X for creating stories in which her ownself nvr think of.

See, weird isnt it?

Always Miss X will get the impact.

What a loser, what a pity human being!

Fortunately, I have a person who make me love myself whenever I'm with him..Its not about what he is, but what he make me be..SPECIAL..